he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
