haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
