You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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