just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
