i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
