kristin has been a bad kristin
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
