I have demons in me.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Randomize
