I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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