so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Randomize
