And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
