can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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