Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
