burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
