now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
