Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
