I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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