dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
