Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
