I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
