the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
