walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
