WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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