At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
