The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
