I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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