I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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