I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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