my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
