k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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