My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
