I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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