could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
