It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
