great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize