my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
