Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
