Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
