My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Randomize
