i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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