I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
