What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
