Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Randomize
