ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
