he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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