all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Even my vagina gasped.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
