is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
