her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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