your room smells of hookers.
And success
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
