when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
