I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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