Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
