I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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