I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
