There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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