Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
