Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize