im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I need water and some morals
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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