but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Someone came in the potted fern
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
