I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
