Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
