Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
