Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize