C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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