Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
