you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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