I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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