The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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