I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize