You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
