Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
