What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
