mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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