I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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