6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
